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What the hell was I thinking?
I went on vacation a few months ago. I was only gone for a week, but in that time a rather sinister plot was carried out by our facilities staff. They replaced all of the traditional ashtrays with these phallic wonders. I played cool with the change, waiting for the day when I could open one of these babies up and see what life on the "inside" might be like. It isn't pretty. |
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I started to notice a lot of discoloration a couple of weeks ago along the seam between the upper
and lower halves.
My curious nature finally got the best of me and I had to know what was going on inside of "Sigmund's" Ashtray. I realy do need to learn to curb my curious side. |
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I took out the locking bold on the back and sowly raised the lid.
So far so good. There appears to be quite a bit of what could only be tar collecting in the seam area. Though I wasn't about to touch it, it seemed to be rather sticky. |
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With the initial inspection over, and no dangerous results yet, I decided to boldy
remove the upper half of the ashtray for a better look inside.
There was a large puff of smoke as oxygen met the smoldering butts, but nothing exploded and I felt confident that this was a safe excercise. Then the smell hit me. Oh my GOD! AAAGGUUUUHHH!!! This thing could REALY use a mint! |
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The stench was nearly unbearable!
This thing had been sitting there, collecting butts for a couple of months now. Slowly smoldering away in it's own private cloud of toxic hell. I took a look at the upper half. It's nothing but one huge, sticky, stinky flute. Cigarettes have been getting stuck half way down the neck for a while. I can see why now. |
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Finally, inspected the contents of the ashtray.
This thing is nothing more than a metal bucket in a plastic body... how cheesey! Amongst the smoldering cigarette and cigar butts, there was a couple of empty packs, a sitck, and a drinking straw from McDonalds (those ought to burn nicely!). I replaced the lid and made a hasty retreat. |
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Simple words are not enough to introduce you to the incredible stench that this thing puts off.
After my inspection, I quickly went back inside to wash up. The smell refused to come off of my hands, and lingers on my clothes even as I type this. I can guarantee that this will be the last chapter of the ashtray series, as my stomach wont take another installment. |