I had my discogram today.

My appointment was scheduled at 11:30, but being the guy I am, I showed up at 11:00. I figured there would be paperwork and such to fill out and wanted to get there early. I didn’t know that they already figured in the time to get everything done and my actual procedure wasn’t until 1:00.

They made me strip and put on an ever so lovely gown (open in the back) and hooked me up with an IV. Then I got to wait for an hour and a half.

Finally, my time came around and they put me on a gurney and wheeled me through the hospital. I don’t know what it is about riding around on a bed, going through door after door, but it makes me smile like a kid on a carnival ride. Perhaps I’ve seen too many movies and television shows where they wheel the patient around like this. I feel ridiculous. It would be easier just to walk, but they make you take the ride and it strikes me as insanely funny.

When they wheeled me to the pre-staging area, I met the doctor who would be performing the procedure. He explained what they were doing and why they were doing it (I guess some people don’t ask enough questions prior to the procedure and they have to fill them in at the last second).

Then they rolled my gurney into the operating room and transferred me, face down, onto a metal slab with a 1″ thick piece of foam on it to give the illusion of comfort. They injected a few items into my IV and got to work.

The doctor inserted 3 needles into my back along the left hand side of my spine, each needle piercing a disc. One by one, they did an injection of a dye and asked me “how does that feel”.

“A little pressure” I replied on the first disk. “It feels weird”

Then they did the next disk and repeated the question.

“About the same”

Finally, they did what could only be the bad disc in my back.

I’ve been hurting pretty for most of the last two years, but that pain didn’t prepare me for what I was about to experience. When they asked how I was doing on that disc, I honestly couldn’t answer them. It felt like my entire back had been ripped apart and the muscle fibers were exposed to an open flame.

I guess they figured out what I meant.

After they were done, the sent me off for a CAT Scan to look at the results. I had to have someone help me roll off my gurney and onto the machine, then back onto the gurney afterwards.

I spent the next two hours lying very still on the gurney until they decided it was time to go home. By then, things had gotten better… at least I could stand.

Of course, it’s been about 8 hours since they finished now, and my back is totally trashed. Tomorrow is gonna be a glorious day.

They say that which does not kill you only makes you stronger. I’m here to tell ya… you’d be amazed what you can live through.