This came into my inbox last week:

From: Butler, Jerry
Sent: Tuesday, April 18, 2006 7:38 AM
To: Parsons, Tone
Subject: Saw a car this morning that made me chuckle.

I wasn’t close enough to take a shot with my phone cam, but anyway, it was a white BMW with a white chick in it.

Get this, her license plate: BLK DOG.

No kidding.

Made me laugh.

Jerry

Your mission, should you choose to accept it (and live in the Spokane area) is to find this car, with this woman driving it… take a photo, and send it to me.

What are you still reading this for… do it now!

Inspired by a post over at grumpyoldwoman.net, I decided to check my google rank.

I am pleasantly surprised!

I’m still #1 (and, well, have been for years, but that’s not the point). All those silly “What Would Buddha Do?”, “What Would Brittany Do?” and “What Would Batman Do?” sites which probably get about a billion more hits than I do are still ranked lower.

This is a good thing.

Now, if I could only find a way to actually get traffic here that wasn’t searching for bestiality porn (the numbers of people who end up here every day because they were looking for crap like that is staggering!), life would be sweet.

Don’t believe me? Look at this from my logs:

According to a poll by CBS, more Americans approve of the Muslim faith than do Scientology.

The poll, which was to determine the view of the Muslim faith in America found that Americans are twice as likely to see the Muslim faith as favorable when compared to Scientology.

One has got to wonder if this is the doing of Scientology’s leading front man and biggest supporter, Tom Cruise. His wacky antics on television and his attacks on other celebrities could very well be hurting the “religion”.

In the poll, Americans viewed the Muslim faith as favorable in 19% of those polled… Scientology only got 8%.

Other religions fared with the following: 58% had a favorable impression of Protestantism, 48% of Catholicism, 47% of the Jewish religion, 31% of Christian fundamentalist religions and 20% of the Mormon religion.

Perhaps the leaders of Cruise’s favorite cause should tell him to sit down and STFU (or, if they’d prefer, I will).

Gather ’round, little childrens…. it’s time once again for More Helpful Driving Hits from WWBD!

Why do we do this? Because we love you, and you’re obviously too damn stupid to figure it out on your own (trust us… we know… we drive next to your idiot ass every day).

Todays lesson: Speed Limits.

While you may not have noticed them while moving down the road at a breakneck pace, talking on your cell phone, and drinking your morning Latte, there are these little signs on the side of the road that tell you what the maximum speed for thus said road are.

I can not state this enough: these signs post the MAXIMUM SPEED you should be going.

Now… hang up the cell, put your latte in the cup holder, and prepare to be enlightened.

There is this little gauge on your dash… it’s called a speedometer (yes, there will be a test later, so pay attention!). It has numbers on it and a needle that points to those numbers. When driving, you need this needle to point at or just below the number that matches the sign. It shouldn’t be above the number.

Your speed is controlled by the little pedals on the floor under the steering wheel. Pressing the one on the right makes you go faster, pressing the one on the left makes you go slower (unless, of course, you’re driving a vehicle with a manual transmission). Use these magical devices to keep your vehicle at the speed you are supposed to be traveling.

Now… let’s suggest a hypothetical situation….

Imagine, if you will, that you’re driving along, and there’s a car ahead of you. You can’t seem to control the amount of pressure you’re applying to the pedal on the left, and you creep up on the car in front of you (this is most likely me you’ve just approached at a high rate of speed, as I have a tendency to go the speed limit). DO NOT get as close to the bumper of the car in front of you as possible. Instead, back off, leaving some distance between the cars (this space is dependant upon your speed). And no… 3 feet is not distance.

Failure to do so may lead to catastrophic failure of your crumple zones (and get your ass sued into financial ruin).

Not following the speed limit may get you pulled over by the police. If this happens, don’t bitch or whine about it. You were speeding, you know the law, and you know you were breaking it. You got exactly what you deserve and won’t get any sympathy from us or anyone else. Pay your ticket and slow down.

Oh… and before you spout off that “everyone goes fast on this road”… we don’t (so everyone doesn’t do it… quit being such a sheep).

Finally, if you’re reading this while driving your car… we hate you.